Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment.

His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”

“Ex-wife!” she screams,

“I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied.

2nd joke of the day

A pickup truck full of penguins

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.

He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”

The guy obliges and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the same guy driving around with the truck full of penguins again.

This time, though, all the penguins are wearing sunglasses.

The police officer pulls the guy over and says, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”

The guy replies, “I did, and today I’m taking them to the beach.”